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I was having coffee with a woman I'd met online when she beaned me with a non sequitur:. Then it happened again: On another first date I got hit with the same question. This time I couldn't shrug it off. Hmm … had a secret "sex gap" opened between boomer men and women when I wasn't looking?

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The better question to ask a date: Is sex still an important part of a relationship for you? My own sex gap was the lengthy stretch of celibacy I'd endured at the end of a failing marriage.

Now, with a painful divorce behind me, I'd been thinking about sex a fair bit — OK, a lot — but hadn't met anyone special yet. And that was key, because I was determined not to revert to old dating patterns think California circa that centered on casual sex.

Instead, I wanted to fall in love first. Did that make me not still "sexual"? Forging an emotional connection as a prelude to sex, I quickly discovered, is a truth not yet universally acknowledged.

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I had just had dinner with a cmpanion I'd dated twice. We were talking on her sofa when suddenly she leaned in and kissed me.

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More from politeness than passion I felt only lukewarm Adlt her I returned the kiss. Then she sat up and pulled her sweater over her head. Shock must have shown on my face. Seeing it, she dropped the S-bomb: The scene wasn't steamy, but I was steamed.

Countless online posts by boomer women Naughty Adult Dating seeking social activity companion of men who demand sex on the second date, and sometimes on the first.

I've come to sympathize with them: Devaluing the goal of getting to know someone first strikes me as aDting dismissive and disrespectful. Indeed, men and women! An emotional bond enhances both partners' sense of safety, confidence and desirability. Midlife sex with a stranger, by contrast, seems more like masturbating.

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Where's the love in that? I finally did meet a woman with relationship potential. Before she could ask me the Dreaded Question, I hastened to mention that I was still sexual but wanted to establish an emotional connection first.

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She smiled in agreement. Our previous relationships had taught us that becoming sexual too quickly was usually a mistake. Now we were both looking for something enduring — and we knew that couldn't happen overnight.

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Najghty months into our relationship, we're enjoying a sexual relationship based on sweet feelings of trust Free poss grannys mutual respect. The reason that boomer relationships can be so fraught is that both partners often carry dating baggage bulging at the seams.

So rather than answering or asking the question "Are you still sexual?

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For nearly every man and woman, the answer will likely be a resounding yes. That means you can take your time — and fall in love before you fall into compankon.

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I was having coffee with a woman I'd met online when she beaned me with a non sequitur: Alamy The better question to ask a date: Driving home, I wondered: Would all my dates prove this topsy-turvy? Also of Interest Why long-married couples are splitting up 5 great part-time jobs for retirees Get Adul assistance with tax-return preparation See the AARP home page for deals, savings tips, trivia and more.

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